Talking with kids about social media

As a child-centered coach for teens and parents, guest contributor Courtney Harris supports children ages 11–19 in finding their voice, growing confidence, and thriving. Through 1:1 and small-group coaching sessions, teens and tweens are able to overcome anxiety, disconnect, and isolation as they discover their truest sense of self and develop a deep sense of empowerment. Courtney supports parents in self-care, growing alongside their children, and developing balanced sensitivity toward the process their child is creating. Sessions with both teens and parents guide families in developing the trust, communication, and connection that's crucial for a life of ease.

The following is republished with Courtney’s permission from her “Talking to Teenagers” series on her website, Courtney Harris Coaching;  we encourage you to follow her on Facebook to learn more.
 

Teenagers spend up to nine hours a day on social media.

Let that sink in.

Now, consider: How many hours a day do you spend on social media? Right now, check battery usage under settings on your phone. Where have you spent your screen time in the last 24 hours and the last 7 days? And how much time have you spent? Let’s go ahead and admit that as adults, we struggle with device overuse, too.

Tweens and teens, however, have grown up socializing on and through social media to an extent that is unprecedented. During the teenage years, the brain is changing very quickly and can be easily influenced. Thus, impulsivity and the drive to impress others can occupy much of our young peoples’ thought processes. Enter social media and the ability to engage and interact 24/7.

This cocktail of impulsivity and nonstop stimulation can be a huge drain on teenagers and a massive barrier in family relationships. Parents often share with me that their teens have “unhealthy relationships” with their phones or laptop. They often continue, saying that they feel helpless and uncertain about how to help their teens navigate their relationships to technology and social media.

Get Curious About Your Teen

I’d like to invite all parents and supporters to work toward a curious approach when addressing social media with their teens and tweens. This requires letting go of our biggest fears about what they’re doing on their devices, our resentment over their addiction to their devices, and so on. While these fears and hurts may be real, it’s important that we loosen our grip enough to get curious and to listen authentically.

Here’s a list of open-ended questions (my favorite) that we can use to open space for our young people to share (and become aware of) their process:

• What kind of posts (that you see or create) make you feel joyful?
• What kind of posts (that you see or create) make you feel upset?
• How does social media help you express yourself?
• How does social media create a sense of competition?
• How does social media feel like a tool for you?
• How does social media feel like a chore/challenges for you?
• Where do you go online for support?
• Where, online, do you feel fearful or insecure?
• What will you create online? In your online presence?

All of these example questions can be followed up with a “why” or a gentle encouragement to dig a little deeper. As our young people engage in dialogue with us, it’s important that we refrain from responding with judgmental comments or quick advice.* The goal is to give our young people space to put a name to what they’re feeling and to grow consciousness of their behaviors and patterns. We are careful, in this dialogue, not to fault or scold.

*Of course, if our teen shares that they or someone they know is in danger, we must take action, set boundaries, or intervene.

I also encourage parents to share their own responses to these questions. This is a sweet, authentic, and inclusive way of modeling healthy behaviors for social media and technology usage. It is also a pathway to relating to our children, acknowledging that we, too, are challenged by social norms and pressures of the internet.

Creating Routines

Another crucial piece of this conversation is about helping our teens create routines that help them thrive, not just survive, this highly stimulating time of life. Co-creating norms for technology usage supports teens in growing awareness of their thoughts, feelings, and actions, and it encourages them to self-regulate. Norms and routines must be created together for our young people to feel a sense of ownership and purpose. Thus, we may use another series of questions to empower our children:

• What types of things do you need your phone for on a daily basis?
• What time should screens be put away, so we can get the rest we need?
• How long do you think you’d like to be on your phone for socialization each day?
• Where will you keep your phone overnight so that it doesn’t disturb your rest?
• What times or situations is phone usage not appropriate for?
• What types of things do you find it useful/fun/joyful to post/share about?
• What types of things do you find it unhelpful/hurtful/damaging to post about?

These questions allow our teens to develop habits that serve them, name their needs, and become aware of boundaries. Likewise, they provide parents the same opportunities.

Tips for Dialogue

1. Start with one or two questions at a time. We aren’t interrogating or interviewing the child.
2. Share the adult experience! This makes it a true dialogue.
3. Adapt questions to individual languaging/style (but stay curious and receptive by using open-ended questions).
4. Initiate this dialogue in a time free of technology-related conflict. Start with a fresh slate.
5. Boundaries and safety are important. Trust your judgment if there’s something you know you need to intervene in.
6. Revisit this conversation time and time again. Routines need to be updated as life and technology shift and change. Emotions and reflections will get lost in the daily pressure to perform from time to time. So, come back to these questions often. Come back to a calm, shared space of curiosity and conversation.

Courtney Harris

Learning with our senses

I recently happened upon a beautiful photo essay by Morna Harnden on some of the ways experiential learning takes place at Austin Children’s Garden. She has kindly granted Alt Ed Austin permission to publish excerpts here. Morna is a co-founder and co-teacher there, along with her husband, Ben Harnden, where they offer a variety of preschool programs as well as elementary-level homeschool science classes in South Austin.


Children use their senses to explore and try to make sense of the world around them. They do this by touching, tasting, smelling, seeing, hearing, and moving.
 
We love to provide opportunities for children to actively use their senses as they explore their world. “Sensory play” is crucial to brain development—it helps build nerve connections in the brain’s pathways. This leads to a child’s ability to complete more complex learning tasks and supports cognitive growth, language development, gross motor skills, social interaction, and problem-solving skills.
 

Sit Spots

To start off our unit on the senses, we searched out our first Sit Spots. (We first learned about Sit Spots from Earth Native Wilderness School. If you haven’t had a chance yet to check out Earth Native, you must! They have amazing camps, preschool programs, workshops, and more!) In our Sit Spots we focused on our senses and discussed all the different sensations we experienced.
 

We listened to all the sounds around us and heard:

"crickets"
"squirrels"
"church bells"
"my breath"
 

With our eyes closed, we touched our surroundings and felt:

"leaves"
"something tickly"
"sticky grass"
 

With our eyes closed, we smelled our surroundings and smelled:

"popcorn"
"leaves"
"air"
 

With our eyes open, we focused on what we could see:

"my friends"
"clouds"
"magic tree"
 

We focused on what we could taste in the air and had some surprising responses:

"ice cream"
"popcorn"
"just air"
 

Our Sensory Garden

We planted a garden for each of the five basic senses!
 

The kids dug their own holes with a spoon and learned how to gently loosen the roots of the baby plants before planting.
 

In our Scent Garden, as it is pretty shady, we planted many varieties of mint:

Chocolate mint
Orange mint
Pineapple mint
Grapefruit mint
Spearmint
Peppermint
 

In our Taste Garden, we planted many different seasonal herbs:

Dill
Fennel (fun taste test to do with the dill, as they look so similar)
Parsley
Cilantro
Rosemary
Thyme
Oregano
Sage
Lemon Balm
Chervil
 

In our Listening Garden, we planted grasses and plants with crispy leaves that make interesting sounds. Adding wind chimes and windmills enhances the listening quality of the garden.
 

In our Touch Garden, we planted a variety of plants with soft leaves and interesting textures, including rubbery succulents.
 

In our Sight Garden, we planted edible flowers with all the colors of the rainbow!

For an extended version of this article—including recipes for salt-preserved herbs and spice-scented play dough, instructions for “Easy Peasy Tie-Dyed Socks,” a scientific explanation of why mud pies make you happy, and much more—visit Morna’s original post on the Austin Children’s Garden blog. And don’t miss ACG’s upcoming events on Saturday, December 9: an Open House, including a free children’s yoga class, from 2pm to 6pm (RSVP to austinchildrensgarden@gmail.com); and a Kids’ Night Out from 3pm to 7pm, where children aged 3 to 10 will create their own candles with crayons and beeswax (tickets and more info available through Eventbrite).

Morna Harnden

New graphic novels workshop for high school students and adults

Jess Hagemann is an award-winning author and accomplished biographer. She owns and operates Austin’s premier ghostwriting service, Cider Spoon Stories, through which she helps seniors, veterans, small business owners, and others write their life stories as books. She’s helping us celebrate National Novel Writing Month (#NaNoWriMo) with this guest post about her upcoming workshop, Graphic Novels and Novel Graphics.

I was six years old when the Bosnian War broke out in 1992. Protected in my little corner of Kansas, I watched Sesame Street, not the news. I didn’t know that 100,000 people were dying in this artificial conflict, the result of one group of people asking for their independence, and another group of people deciding they had no right to live at all. The largest European instance of ethnic cleansing since the Holocaust didn’t end for three bloody years. By then I’d graduated from PBS to MTV: a rapid coming-of-age that left me wise to the ways of pop culture—but not the politics to which pop culture responds.

It wasn’t until college that I read Joe Sacco’s Safe Area Gorazde, a graphic novel published in 2000 that recalls the journalist-author’s four months spent in the middle of the conflict. Based on the stories of several Bosniaks that Sacco interviewed in Gorazde between 1994 and 1995, the extent of the violence is revealed through a series of graphic vignettes and black-and-white illustrations more powerful than any photo essay. I learned then what it means for an author to give voice to the voiceless. For an artist to render truths we couldn’t otherwise have known. For trauma victims to share their stories, and finally be heard.

This eventually led me to start Cider Spoon Stories, a ghostwriting and editing service, in 2014. Ghostwriting means that if you have a story to share, but don’t have the time or confidence to write it down, you’ll tell it to me, I’ll write it for you, and you get the credit. It’s just that important to me that firsthand experiences and critical truths be disseminated.

When I’m not writing, I’m teaching other people to write. This month, the topic is (naturally) graphic novels. On Saturday, November 18, we'll be discussing Lynda Barry, Marjorie Satrapi, Mat Johnson, Mark Danielewski, Chris Ware, Tom Phillips, Sophie Calle, and more. We'll look at how they use illustration, obfuscation, and found objects—all layered with (or revealing) text—to create beautiful, whimsical, or disturbing stories—some for the social good, some for the sake of telling a dang good tale.

If you want to learn to create engaging, active characters; develop coherent narrative around those characters; write detailed, scene-by-scene story outlines; and script through page breaks and panel descriptions, register here. The class is appropriate for ages 16+.

Jess Hagemann

Nurturing young writers and entrepreneurs through NaNoWriMo

Staffmembers at The Joule School in Cedar Park, just north of Austin, join us on the blog today to explain the school’s approach to National Novel Writing Month and the ways it has changed how its young students view writing, entrepreneurship, and themselves.

When first-grader Ripley Martinez walked into a school assembly, she had no idea she would soon be showered in cash. Within 30 minutes, she was jumping up and down with joy as $76—all her own—rained down around her onto the floor.

Ripley celebrates her writing and entrepreneurial achievements at The Joule School’s NaNoWriMo kickoff

That's how much Ripley made selling her novel since last November. You read that correctly: a 5-year-old had written and marketed her own book. Even more impressive, Ripley’s book, Lollipop Girl in a Lollipop World, had just broken the school’s record for number of copies sold. She was surrounded by cheering classmates engulfing her with hugs, and her teacher was crying with pride.

The Joule School, a progressive K–8th private school in Cedar Park, participates each year in the National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) Young Writers Program. You might be familiar with the adult competition, in which anyone can attempt to write a 50,000-word novel in 30 days. The NaNoWriMo organization offers suggested word-count goals and a certificate for grade-school students who complete a modified version of the competition.

The Joule School does NaNoWriMo in a big way. First, it raises the bar—increasing the word count minimum for their students by up to 3,000 words per grade level. Suggested word-count goals for Kindergarten, when Ripley wrote her book, range from 20 to 200 words, but she was encouraged to hit 500. (This is equivalent to the “advanced” category for second-grade students in the national program.) If students rise to the challenge, Joule celebrates by arranging to have their hard work published and placed for sale on Amazon. Then, at the beginning of every November, authors from the previous year are recognized at an awards ceremony and handed cold, hard cash—their royalties from a year’s worth of online sales.

Of course, merely placing the book on Amazon doesn’t sell copies. Ripley publicized her book all over Austin, wherever she went. Her mother reported, “I went to get my oil changed and stepped outside for a few seconds. When I came back, Ripley was encouraging the receptionist to buy her novel.” (She even went behind the desk and pulled up the link to make the checkout process easier!) Her sales pitch was simple: “Can you please buy my book? It’s on sale on Amazon if you look up ‘Ripley Martinez.’” Determination and a dash of innate childlike charm did the trick, and now Ripley has 76 more bucks to spend on “Hatchimals, LOL Dolls, and . . . more books.”

Ripley’s novel is about “a candy girl adventuring and finding her friends,” according to the young author. When asked where she derived her inspiration, she said simply, “Candy.” (A glimpse into the mysterious creative processes of a visionary.) Her teacher, Meredith Allen, said Ripley was encouraged by meeting—and then exceeding—her incremental word-count goals. All over the school, individual floor-to-ceiling progress trackers (similar to a fundraising thermometer) were plastered on the walls. At the end of each day, Ms. Allen would type up her students’ handwritten work and let them check their totals. (Incidentally, this is not unlike Margaret Atwood’s writing process.) She says the students felt gratified when they used the word-count tool to see how much they had accomplished each day. It quantifies their success in a way that is readily accessible to them.

Students’ published works on display at The Joule School

The Joule School’s approach to NaNoWriMo develops more than just literacy skills. As the students complete the process, they learn about gross versus net income, active versus passive income, marketing, and other elements of entrepreneurship. The entire student body, from three-year-olds to eighth-graders about to matriculate to high school, can opt in. Ripley’s novel grossed $285 in 12 months, but she knew she would have to pay publishing costs and taxes. She also knew that the money she would get on November 1st was all her own, free and clear. What better way to teach a young child about net profit?

More importantly, however, students at The Joule School associate joy, achievement, and success with the act of writing—something that can be a hard sell in the elementary grades. “I’ve seen kids go from reluctant writers to enthusiastic just by completing one round of NaNoWriMo,” said Madison McWilliams, the school’s founder and principal. “You see their whole attitude change—it’s suddenly I CAN do this. Once they start believing in themselves, we can roll that over to the classroom. Suddenly the kid who wasn’t such a huge fan of writing is the most attentive student in Language Arts.”

These days, Ripley often chooses her own book to read as her bedtime story. In doing so, she generates new ideas and thinks of ways she could improve her writing. One year later, she’s decided to tackle a more complex subject: this November, she’s working on a rags-to-riches tale of redemption about a young girl living in poverty. Soon, you’ll see it on Amazon. Soon, you might just see a young girl around town asking you to buy her second book.

The Joule School staff

Redefining “merit” in our education system

Kristin Kim, founder of Austin OneHeart School, has dedicated the past 20+ years to creating a new paradigm for learning. Along the way she has served in multiple roles: educator, online education company CEO, Harvard program director, attorney, entrepreneur, nonprofit board member, parent, and many more. She joins us on the blog today to announce a new merit-based scholarship program at her school and to explain why she decided to create it. [The school website is under maintenance this weekend, so if you get an error message, please check back in a couple of days.]

Starting a new alternative school in Austin has taught me a lot. Austin, with its freedom-loving spirit and progressive mindset, is an ideal environment for alternative education. As many of Austin’s alternative school founders have shared with me, it takes hard work and love to create and sustain a school. And I am happy to add my voice and vision and serve families who are seeking more than what traditional schools offer.

The most enjoyable part of my job is meeting and getting to know students and families who leave the conventional school system. The students are incredibly creative, inquisitive, and intelligent, and they are an inspiration for me. I treasure sharing our respective learning journeys, and I respect their boldness. It takes guts to listen to one’s heart and go against the current!

As I thought more about our new school, Austin OneHeart School, and its mission, the more I wanted to celebrate students choosing alternative education and their amazing talents. The National Merit Scholarships, for example, recognize and award academic achievements, but they measure academic achievements almost solely by grades, ranking, and test scores. Just as alternative education has redefined “learning,” I want to change how we all view “merit” and celebrate excellence that goes beyond grades and test scores.

I am happy to announce that Austin OneHeart School will offer full and partial merit-based scholarships for its Upper School (11–18 years) starting in early 2018. The OneHeart Scholars will be selected based on their scholarly achievements, extracurricular leadership, and good citizenship.

Scholarly achievements will include not only school evaluations or their equivalents for homeschoolers but also a student’s record of self-directed and holistic learning. We will consider academic curiosity and innovative ways a student has engaged in learning.

Extracurricular leadership will include activities outside the school, such as athletics, student-led volunteer work, and charity work. We want to see how a student has channeled his or her energy outside of school.

Lastly, good citizenship will include anything students have done to better their community in some way. We are interested in finding what they care about in their environment, in and out of school.

I believe these merit-based scholarships will also make a statement to college admissions offices. Yes, alternatively schooled students are also merit scholars, and it’s time we recognize and celebrate their amazing accomplishments!

For more information on the OneHeart Scholarships, please contact Kristin at open@OneHeartSchool.org. The deadline for applying for a 2018 Scholarship is November 30, 2017.

Austin OneHeart School is located in South Austin, at 8601 South 1st Street (near Slaughter), and offers lower school (ages 3–6) and upper school (ages 11–18) programs. Austin OneHeart School is a part of Sansori.org and is not affiliated with any religious, ethnic, or political organization.

Kristin Kim

What should I be listening for?

Guest contributor Emily Cohen, MA, CCC-SLP, received her Master’s of Speech-Language Pathology in 2008 from Eastern Michigan University. She is a Hanen-certified SLP specializing in working with children with early childhood language delays. Emily owns a private practice called Tandem Speech Therapy, where she provides in-home services in south and central Austin, Westlake, and Dripping Springs. You can read more about topics related to speech and language development, including her series Playing with Purpose, on her blog.

As a pediatric speech-language pathologist, I get questions from parents on a nearly daily basis about speech and language development. They are trying to determine if their child is a “late talker.” While it's true that all children develop at their own rate, there is a set of developmental milestones that I look for in children.

First and foremost, if you suspect your child is struggling, then trust your gut. Some kids will catch up, and others won’t. How do you know, though, when your child would benefit from seeing a speech-language pathologist? For quick reference, I have developed the 1, 2, 3 Rule. This rule states that at 1 year old, a child will use 1 word or single words; at 2 years old, a child will use 2-word phrases (e.g., “mommy go”; “eat apple”). And at 3 years old, a child will use 3 or more words together to form simple sentences.

The same applies for following directions. At 1 year old, a child will follow a 1-step instruction, such as “go get your ball.” At 2 years old, a child should follow a 2-step direction, like “go get your ball and bring it to daddy.” And at 3 years old, a child should follow more complex, multi-step directions.

More specifically, it is typical for an 18-month-old child to use at least 20 words and have different types of words in their vocabulary. This includes nouns (ball, book), verbs (eat, sit), and social words (hi, bye). At 2 years old, a child should use at least 100 words and combine words into 2-word phrases. The phrases can be combinations the child puts together, like “eat apple.” This does not include common phrases such as “all gone.” A toddler (18–30 months) who has limited vocabulary based on his/her age is often a late talker.

A late talker can have difficulty specifically with spoken or expressive language. It is important to keep in mind that children who are late talkers will have typically developing play skills, motor skills, comprehension (receptive language), social skills, and thinking skills. The idea that “boys talk late” is, in fact, a myth. Development is not gender specific. Boys and girls develop at the same rate despite anecdotal experience saying otherwise.

What should you do if you suspect your child is a delayed with their speech and language skills?

Your first step is to contact a speech-language pathologist like myself. It's never too early to begin intervention. In fact, research indicates the importance of early intervention (i.e., before the age of 3 and as early as you suspect your child is experiencing challenges) for increased long-term success. Lots of speech and language deficits remediate very quickly, and others take time. If you are worried, seeking the expertise of a local SLP as early as possible is the best pathway to language development for your child.

To get started working with your child now, try one of my favorite strategies, called “Offer a Little Bit, Then Wait”:

• By giving your child just a few crackers, instead of the whole package, you give your child an opportunity to request more.
• After you have given those first few crackers, wait. Be sure to have the rest of the crackers in sight so your child knows there is more to come.
• When your child gives you a message that they want more, provide them with a few more crackers. Pay attention to different types of messages. Some children may use eye contact or eye gaze, while others may use words or word approximations.

By immediately giving your child more crackers, you reinforce the communication. The more positive reinforcement your child receives for communication, the more they will send messages to you!

Emily Cohen, MA, CCC-SLP